Hall of Kings

robert is get fed kibels or else gets to eat the people

all citizens shall receive a laserdisc, for use as a plate for their egg dinner

zag on 'em

Gravity is hereby suspended. Enjoy the Levity!

Guys have made a mess. So it shall be that the Matriarchy is invoked at the end of my reign. Chicks rule! (Give THEM a chance to screw up)

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER! (More decrees available upon request)

Let it be known that Skyline Chili is henceforth the royal food of the kingdom.

The minimum shower water temperature shall be set to 110°F.

Farting is forbidden on the fourth Friday of February.

One can never own too many socks, but they should never match.

Dogs are unarguably better than cats. Cats are useless and disease-ridden.

War should be settled through board games.

Every citizen must be a little queer

The national anthem is now 24k Magic by Bruno Mars

All bananas are now people and will be afforded legal rights as such

I herby decree the official animal of the Milky Way solar system is the Felis catus.

All fuckboys are hereby permanently banished to Australia.

I hereby declare 2016 to be one of top 87 worst years in history

Give the next person you see compliment, the compliment must be on something unexpected.

Make everyone start dancing in order to pass by.

learn a random fact, wiggle it into conversation this week.

All subjects must wear Snuggies and Pajama Jeans while using a Thigh Master and listening to to "Sweatin' to the Oldies."

All bathrooms must contain a Squatty Potty and Shower Wow.

Only food prepared on a George Foreman Grill and cut with Ginsu Knives may be consumed.

Kanye West to be canonized.

Papa John to be canonized.

There shall be no Kings, Lords, or rulers other than me. All those who claim to rule after are false and usurpers. Their claim is a lie.

Chocolate is a vegetable and will be consumed often for health of all subjects.

Queen Sarah the Wise rules alongside me and her decrees are the same as mine.

Firefly is the official show of the kingdom as an unlimited budget to produce more episodes is henceforth approved.

No one is allowed to wear clothes. I must be the best dressed person in every room.

Everyone will declare war on Trump.

Sushi Burrito are the national food!

I call forth to this great land a time of peace, love and acceptance for all people in the Kingdom.

We shall go forth and secure the rights and freedoms that have been granted thus far to the Kingdom.

We shall use our voices to ensure acceptance of all, and the abolishment of servitude and abuse.

Out: pennies and Daylight Saving Time

In: Celsius and the metric system

The King is hereby known as the Empress

Bear is a good dog.

A very good dog.

A very very good dog.

Macaroni and cheese with wine is the national meal; it shall be present at all holiday tables, along with 5 carbohydrate sides of my choice.

Dogs are national treasures and will be treated as such; followed by otters, bees (they're dying!) giraffes,elephants, platypus, pigs & cats

Anyone I deem mean, traitorous, douchey or otherwise useless shall be thrown into the pit of despair and subjected to torture by the albino.

I decree that those who do things late will still qualify and be able to install their wishes retroactively.

I decree that the laws of the Universe will change as thus: my metabolism will return to its former glory.

I decree thusly: Trump has the tiniest hands in the kingdom.

The Star Wars prequels never happened and we do not speak of that which never happened. Never.

April 11 will forever be a holiday in celebration of Kurt Vonnegut. Celebration consists of citizens being nice and courteuos to all.

A sensible committee shall be formed to study and pursue all things sensible for our castle and its citizens.

I hereby decree pants as an enemy of the nation.

The national drink is Jack Daniels.

Only food with the Taco Bell label can be eaten.

Read quickly, fair subjects, for I do intend to fulsomely complete my decree in the... decreed (ahem!) one hundred and forty characters anon

Stretch, but quickly! There is juggling afoot! Or at hand, more practically. There! There and there again! All of you JUGGLE! Wondrous!

Cease juggling and consider the future. Should it contain acts defying coordination or rather, promote harmonious cycles and artful motion?

Bacon is now kosher. Forever.

I hereby decree Country Music of any kind banned and punishable by stoning.

The Fed must stop stimulating growth through easy money. It only widens the wealth gap, and forces gridlock in Washington.

All the physicians of the castle are allowed to rest during my reign as queen (aka 3 minutes)

The national food will be a taro chip with pate

I hereby decree that only champagne will be drinketh during my reign