Hall of Kings

6 black yellow

Rear Admiral Spike Of the Weasel Folk

Ovens and microwaves should not have clocks.

Sensible Imperial Pints will be defined as 500 mL.

Copyright terms shall last 4 minutes.

11:27 pm CST
December 30, 2016
8 white blue

Queen Jenny The Brown

The official house band of the Castle is They Might Be Giants.

The jester shall be Dave Hill.

There will be tribute to the Queen constantly for Her entire reign.

11:21 pm CST
December 30, 2016
7 black blue

Czarina Fowler The Flatulent

The new currency of Sensible Castle is marbles.

Penguins shall be allowed to fly in Sensible Castle.

No shoes may be worn in Sensible Castle, only fuzzy socks!

10:51 pm CST
December 30, 2016
8 black blue

Saint Angela The Chaotic Good

All beverages must contain alcohol.

Rap is no longer recognized as a genre of music.

All declarative sentences must end with the word "bitches," bitches.

10:36 pm CST
December 30, 2016
2 black blue

King Anthony The Chaotic Good

I declare that a all other kings, lords, etc. are vacated and after the end of the three-minute reign of all others I am reinstated as king

Cards Against Humanity shall send a check in the amount of 1% of their yearly earnings to my address every month, in perpetuity without fail

All attempts by further decrees to change, void, cancel, or otherwise vacate these decrees shall re-invoke these decrees in order.

10:12 pm CST
December 30, 2016
5 black blue

Queen Greta The Chaotic Good

I hereby decree that cats are the national animal of Sensible Castle. Anyone with fewer than three will be provided more or banished.

I hereby decree that all black licorice and things with a similar flavor to black licorice are banned from Sensible Castle.

I hereby decree that on Fridays all subjects of Sensible Castle must wear mismatched socks, at least one of which must have a pattern on it.

9:18 pm CST
December 30, 2016
2 black green

King Scott , Champion of the Frozen Wastes

I hereby decree that cats shall rule as the superior animal of the castle!

I hereby decree that all you can eat chinese buffets will be the restaurants of choice for the castle!

I hereby decree that after 7:50 my title shall forever change to "Extreme Dictator of bathroom stalls #2 & #3"!

7:48 pm CST
December 30, 2016
8 white purple

Voivode Harrison The Asthmatic

Fuckery is punishable with a really really bad haircut.

The 'Gay' shall be cured with poorly decorated guest rooms or khakis with black shoes.

Poverty will be diagnosed as a mental illness, and shall be treated by shitfaced motivational speakers in the Hollywood Hills.

7:39 pm CST
December 30, 2016
8 white purple

King Kristofer (with a K and an F) The Passive-Aggressive

I am officially the best smelling man in the world and no one shall smell better ever again.

New Christmas is an official holiday celebrated on January 25

Lady Courtney Lynn Hunter the Beautiful is the ruler of Sensible Castle for the last third of my reign. May she reign supreme.

7:36 pm CST
December 30, 2016
5 black red

Maharaja Walt The Chaotic Good

Sensible Castle shall be renamed BrenWal Castle where the Titans & Gators party & play! Prince Brent will advise on all fire-related issues.

The Hundreds of Tigers will be herded to the Bottomless Pit of Colorful Balls by Jester Joey, House of Rego, for the Kingdom's entertainment

In the August House of Rambaransingh, wizards become cricket strategists. Spin & swing become king while willow becomes a precious resource.

7:12 pm CST
December 30, 2016
8 black blue

Czar Schubba The Bilious

Jessica Fancy, Known as Jessie, Shall be the queen of this land Until the end of time. Follow her @nyjessie88

The rare tangelo spotted dingo will be the national animal of this land.

May everyday feel like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in your brain.

7:03 pm CST
December 30, 2016
4 white red

Dutchess Brandy Ordiway The Shitfaced

Dessert for dinner is acceptable

My vagina will be worshiped

Sexual desire will be shown at all times

6:51 pm CST
December 30, 2016
3 black green

King Michael The Unready

There is no absolute right or best way to perform a piece of music. Each instance shall be considered on it's own particular merit, in situ.

The official account of the events of 9-11-2001 is patently false. The miscreants who perpetrate this fraud must be held to account.

Enough with all the bullshit already! Behave decently toward on another! Try to keep it going past the 3 minute rule, for crying out loud!

6:33 pm CST
December 30, 2016
2 black blue

Empress Moo The Hungry

"The Macarena" shall be the kingdom's anthem, and will be sung every time a royal subject sneezes.

The kingdom's official sport shall be Zombie Hunting, led by Jagermeister Paul Cox. When not zombie season, the sport shall be tickle wars.

My abdication is not official until we attain world peace using only cotton candy and tickles.

6:18 pm CST
December 30, 2016
3 black yellow

Duke Winter The Kosher

All children in the realm must henceforth be named Winter.

It shall be illegal to charge another person for any intoxicating liquors in the realm and drinks must be provided to any person who asks.

King Winter is permitted to tell girls he is still the King of Sensible castle, even after his reign is complete and everyone must concur.

6:15 pm CST
December 30, 2016
1 black orange

King Geoff The White

Everyday will be a 'Black Out Party'

The national pastime will be shooting 'Cans'

Anyone with Aids will be banished from the land

6:12 pm CST
December 30, 2016
2 black purple

Queen Megan Of the Weasel Folk

I hereby decree that Megan Gammill and Margaret Shine (nee Holland) will be Royal Princesses for life.

I hereby decree that the national food of Sensible Castle is Thanksgiving Dinner.

I hereby decree that there shall be a room full of balloons in Sensible Castle at all times.

6:09 pm CST
December 30, 2016
1 white red

King Lon The Wise

The royal Goldens shall henceforth be knighted and decreed the protectors of the kingdom.

From this day forth, the populace shall tithe 10% of all meats and ale produced will be levied for royal consumption.

Effective immediately, we shall consider it 2017, and all records of 2016 shall be burned in the royal bonfire.

5:42 pm CST
December 30, 2016
8 white green

Queen Crystal The Terrible

I hereby decree everyone in Ireland must sing God Save the Queen.

I hereby decree Corned Beef and cabbage is replaced with haggis and bacon.

I hereby decree a ban on all whiskey.

5:33 pm CST
December 30, 2016
4 black red

King Morgan The Nutritious

All bodies of water must be converted to rootbeer.

All subjects must gild their big toes.

All cats must be given lordship over their domain.

5:24 pm CST
December 30, 2016
1 black yellow

Empress Stephanie Warnes The Asthmatic

No one shall die whilst I am Empress, much to the chagrin of the rest 2016 (looking at you Harrison Ford and Betty White...).

New England Clam Chowder shall be designated as the only meal of meals.

World peace shall take place for this single BADWOLF minute.

4:42 pm CST
December 30, 2016