Hall of Kings

Dark Chocolate is a food group.

Life is short! Eat desert first!

If it's not broke don't fix it.

We hereby decree that everyone shall observe a Lamb Poolside Holiday

We hereby decree the kingdom shall bow to our Grimm Friends upon visiting

We hereby decree that the kingdom shall be witty forever

The National Anthem shall be "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" and shall be sung by Cindi Lauper.

The official national sport shall be Quidditch.

The official national game shall be Cards Against Humanity, or Exploding Kittens if we run out of CAH cards.

Black cats are the emblem of Sensible Castle and most cherished pet of the goodly Empress.

All tens are disallowed, thus all 9s shall be followed by 11s. Never forget.

You should really go get your kids vaccinated is the final decree of Sensible Castle.

The bottomless pit of colorful balls shall be temporarily closed.

The kitten pen shall be opened.

All toilet seats shall be left in the up position.

I hereby decree that onions are forever banned from the land.

I hereby decree that all poems will be written by donkeys.

I hereby decree that the new name for "fart" is "nicole."

I hearby decree that Shawn Morrell is to be granted the title, "Grand Villain".

I hereby decree that Rarijack is canon.

I hereby decree that I am the Once and Future King and I will return when the land needs me most.

I will celebrate my coronation with free ice cream across the realm. Golden spoons will be given out to enjoy the deliciousness.

December 30th is now a new holiday that will be celebrated by a realm wide bicycling food and beer crawl.

The celebration finishes with a realm wide fireworks display, the grandest fireworks show the realm has ever seen.

Tupac and Elvis, if hearing this decree, must come out of hiding and take selfies with the newspaper to confirm their alive-ness.

The national anthem of Sensible Castle is The Bed Intruder Song.

I hereby decree that the glass is half full when pouring something into it and half empty when drinking from it. Debate settled.

Everyone must be stoned at all times.

Everyone must have their own cumbox for their cumming needs.

Betsy Schreiber is the most beautiful woman in all the land.

I hereby decree that the National Anthem of Sensible Castle is the John Cena theme song, sung by Drake.

I hereby decree that clothing is optional.

I hereby decree Donald Trump is not a human, but is an orangutan with a wig, a suit, and a tape recorder. Go BERNIE!!!!!!

Science and evidence are hereby the only acceptable decision-making impetus for Sensible citizens. (I really have to fucking decree this?)

Any elections taking place between the 7th and 9th dates of November are hereby invalidated and shall have a redo with only Sensible voters.

Leaf blowers are hereby banned from use, and shall be confiscated and melted down to make Sensible bicycles. Leaf blowers are the worst.

Gnocchi for all

Streaming music pays artists more

I shall rule forever

Only acceptable food to eat are donuts.

The national anthem will be "Jukebox Hero" by Foreigner

Clothes are hereby outlawed.

I hereby decree firearms are allowed in Sensible Castle (open carried or concealed, or otherwise)

I hereby decree the rich shall provide for the poor for this entire one minute in Sensible Castle

I hereby decree reruns of Hey Dude be shown on a continuous loop in Sensible Castle

Hockey will be the sport of choice at Sensible Castle. Any Flyers /Maple Leaf / Bruin fans will be taken directly to sin bin -

I decree that 2016 was a bad dream. A bad bad dream.

Ewan McGregor movies will be played 24/7 at Sensible Castle.

Iggy the cat shall be a Baron of Sensible Castle.

Those who don shoes without socks shall be shackled in the centre of the marketplace for a fortnight.

I hereby decree that both "clownery" is a word and all perpetrators of said "clownery" shall be subject to a public stoning.

All citizens, lords, serfs, etc shall follow @disposableparts on twitter, despite the fact that i don't tweet all that much.

All shall support the following Chicago theaters: www.ruckustheater.org www.thesideproject.net www.athenaeumtheatre.org Donate! See a Show!

All mint shall be outlawed, because despite popular opinion, that shit is gross...

In honor of his vast contributions to children's literacy, LeVar Burton is named patron saint of the castle. Bless us, St. LeVar the Reader!

I hereby decree "they" to be an accepted singular gender-neutral pronoun in all verbal and/or written discourse within Castle Sensible.

Ketchup is banned from use as a condiment on hot dogs. Acceptable hot dog condiments include mustard, relish, peppers, onions, & sauerkraut.

Halloween decorations are to be displayed year round and dressing in costume every day is culturally endorsed.

Each household is required to own no less than three cats. They are to be cherished always. Have more than three cats? Achievement unlocked.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Little baby cows are the official pet of the Realm.

Marinara, Parmesan and Oregano are the official Sauce, Cheese and Spice of all the land.

Veal Parmesan is the official feast of the Sensible Castle. Ironic, huh?