Hall of Kings

Every home is to be endowded with no less than three (3) cats.

The national anthem will henceforth be "Single Ladies" by Beyonce.

I hereby decre that animal crackers will be the national food.

Never go to bed with a itchy butthole... You'll wake up with a stinky finger

Dogs may not molest cars

You must lick it before you stick it

Everyone sing! Thank you for being a friend, Traveled down the road and back again, Your heart is true, you re a pal and a confidant!

"Filled Cupcake Oreos" have a picture of an Oreo-filled cupcake on the package, but in fact contain foul-tasting oreo cookies. For shame!!!!

I nominate Earth Defense Force 4.1 on the PS4 for Game of the Year! That is all.

All those that inhabit Sensible Castle must not take themeselves too seriously and appreciate the magic and beauty that exists in the world.

Manners and kindness shall be highly regarded in Sensible Castle. "Please," "thank you,"and "you're welcome" are to be used by all.

I hearny decree that the national beverage of Sensible Castle is coffee and the national cocktail is the gin martini.

I hereby decree that my son and miniature schnauzer are the prince and princess of Sensible Castle and will be given anything they want.

I hereby decree that the unironic use of "#blessed" shall be a capital offense.

I hereby decree that margaritas will be served with every meal.

The national anthem of Sensible Castle is "Stray Bullet" by KMFDM.

By royal decree, no child under the age of 18 years shall be permitted on Castle grounds. Any found to be present shall be put to death.

The national drink of Sensible Castle is Jack Daniels.

All Pop Tarts without frosting are banned from the castle.

I hereby decree all first sips of beer belong to the King.

I decree the next 10 decrees shall be null and void.

My birthday,January 16,shall be declared a national holiday on which day each citizen shall partake in drunken shenanigans of his/her choice

I hereby declare that beer (especially IPA)is an acceptable breakfast & should be served at all dining establishments that serve breakfast.

I decree that the official song of the Sensible Castle is Escape(the Pina Colada song) by Rupert Holmes & shall be played everyday at 3:12pm

All who seek refuge will be welcomed

All who bring games to play will be welcomed

No dragons

25% of the kingdom's treasury and savings shall be donated to a charity of Cards Against Humanity's choosing.

The remainder of the kingdom's treasury and savings shall be given to King Timothy The Chaotic Good and cannot be voided or overruled.

We shall all celebrate the remainder of the glorious rule of King Timothy by dancing and strutting about to "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees.

I hereby decree that this day shall henceforth be known as Angel's Day. There shall be much rejoicing.

I hereby decree that there is no try, only do or do not. If you strike me down I shall become more powerful then you can possibly imagine

I hereby decree that all subsequent reigns are invalid, for I am the one true King.

The national beverage shall be bourbon

Call to the land for peace and love and full radiation of positivity

2016 shall fuck right off

No hot dog shall ever be considered, nor referred to as a sandwich.

Turn signals are optional.

It's perfectly fine to wake your boyfriend up with a blowjob.

Cheese whiz as castle condiment.

Mary Mary by RUN DMC shall be played through-out the great hall.

Trial by breakdancing is a suitable method of problem resolution.

Access to Guinness is now recognized as a basic human right.

Effective immediately, a standard day shall be exactly one hour long, and that hour shall be happy-hour.

I hereby declare Calculus the official national language, and pajamas the official national costume.

The national food of Sensible Castle is sourdough-crust, olive-topped pizza with pesto sauce.

The national anthem of Sensible Castle is "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead.

I hereby declare that red wine or a hardy stout can be a substitute once per week for the evening meal.

I hearby declare Nigel and Pippa as the official Corgis of the Royal Family. Corgis will reign as the only breed the King will acknowledge.

Both November 26th and Thanksgiving will now be known as "Marissa Day" or "King Marissa The Terrible of Dec, 29 2016 10:54-10:57am Day".

Citizens named "Marisa" or "Marrisa" must adapt to the superior spelling of "Marissa" or be sentenced to death by baby crocodiles.

The national beast of Sensible Castle is now the pug dog, aka carlin, aka dutch bulldog, aka bête chinois, aka teacup mastiff.

I decree that the entire planet is now MacArthur Park, melting in the dark, all the sweet green icing flowing down.

No longer may anyone be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. Be seeing you.

All dogs entering Sensible Castle are full citizens, with all rights and privileges thereof.

The national dish of Sensible Castle is spaetzle with asiago cheese and mini chocolate chips.

Sexual hang-ups in the pleasure chamber are punishable by death.

No pants are allowed in the King's quarters.

Every minute a chicken and every hour a rooster shall be punted out of the tallest tower to tell time from all over the land.

I decree for more 3 more decrees!

If video games are to be played with the King, he shall triumph each time.

A short excerpt from Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' shall play each morning.

Frozen custard for dinner shan't be frowned upon henceforth.