Hall of Kings

Pants are now outlawed. Show off dem calves.

Someone bring me some sushi. Or a steak, medium-rare. And a scotch, maybe a Lagavulin 16 or Glenmorangie Nectar D'Or.

Boobs are pretty cool.

All jews can eat nonkosher food!

All alcohol is free!

All debt is now wiped clean!

Stay sexy, don't get murdered.

Ink a bink, a bottle of ink.

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Moonwalking is mandatory within Sensible Castle. Unsatisfactory moonwalkers shall be hanged by the neck until dead.

Donald Trump shall henceforth serve as Sensible Castle's court jester. Dunk tank hours are 6:00-11:00.

buttz ayyyy lmao

A statue of thy king shall be erected in the dining hall.

Shorts are acceptable to wear year round.

The national bird is the Pidgey.

Tacos are the national food of Sensible Castle!

Orgies will be the preferred entertainment of Sensible Castle!

I hereby decree that all french fries will have to be eaten with Fry Sauce here at Sensible Castle!

Burritos are now vegetables and shall henceforth be considered part of a healthy, balanced diet.

Politicians may make no more than minimum wage for their duration of employment by the State and/or governmental entity.

Everyone has to send me $5.00 by the end of next week or the world will burst into flames.

All coffee mugs are to be replaced with vacuum insulated cups crafted of the finest copper and steel. The age of lackluster coffee is over.

M&M's are now a pizza topping. I declare this pizza to be... AWESOME! Cracker crusts are banned.

All dogs shall live inside with their masters. Making your dog live outside is bullshit.

Hugging is the new handshake.

Children retain all the same rights and responsibilities as adults. Any juvenile legal code is hereby abolished.

I hereby decree that all patriarchal and matriarchal religions are banished. Thou shalt not worship a gendered deity.

Always respond in kind when addressed.

Nessa Benton is always right in matters of pets and service.

I hereby decree 1 bottle of whiskey should be allocated to all the subjects.

Churros are now the national food of sensible and are now considered to be nutritious and delicious.

All arguments must be settled by a duel to the death or at least an apology is a good start. Then death

All visitors of castle sensible are required to fill out the Lord's guest book and tell about yourself the day of this decree. Pretty fair

The official snack at the Sensible Castle is churros.

The Royal army shall be comprised of kittens

All visitors shall be mooned upon entering the castle.

For as long as I rule, all plaid neckerchiefs shall be sold at 50% off. This declaration is brought to you by Brooks Brothers.

In my absence, please direct all questions, comments, assassination attempts, and comings-on by buxom damsels to my unoccupied chair.

The current time is now 3:48 pm CST, thereby beginning my rule anew. What do you mean "it does not work like that"?! BEGONE FROM MY COURT

Everyone may throw a sack of kittens into the nearest body of water without punishment.

The heat shall be set at 65 degrees inside Sensible Castle.

A moat shall be dug around Sensible Castle and it will be filled with tigers and small children with pointy sticks.

Hey how does this thing work?

Hello? Is anyone out there? I'm not good with computers.

Fuck it. Guess it's time to kill myself.

I bestow Knighthood on myself, my wife (Kathryn), daughter (Madelyn), and unborn son along with the title of Knight of the Square Table.

November 27th shall be known as the Awesome day of Awesome in celebration of the Birth of King Matthew Clay the 1st.

The ongoing mission of this Castle shall be to promote safe and renewable energy for the world.

Simcoe will hereto forth be the royal dog of Sensible Castle and any animal that wanders onto the property will be fed and housed well

All of the energy to power Sensible Castle's activities will come from renewable resources.

Locally brewed beer shall flow from the taps for free

All dogs go to heaven

All cats can join too, but only if they're nice

Beans, Beans, they're good for your heart. The more thy eats, the more thy shall produce large amounts on non rhyming flatulence

Yea all shall drink an imperial stout in my honor.

Yea all shall send me $1 via paypal just because I degree it.

I decree no further decrees

The right of Prima Nocta is in effect.

The right of Prima Nocta lasts for the entirety of the marriage.

The Right of Prima Nocta is retroactive, affecting all current marriages.

Lila Esmé Shorr is heretofore the crown princess of Sensible Castle

I hereby decree that The official Christmas anthem of sensible castle is Fairytale of New York by the Pogues.

I hereby decree that Lilly Quinn is a princess of Sensible Castle.